Would you do online dating?

I had a friend that is wild and adventurous. When she told me that she will be signing up on a hook up site that she heard about on radio, I was not surprised. She posted her profile and shortly afterwards she was bombarded with responses from men all over the world. She only replied to those men she was interested in, but there was one in particular that swept her off her feet. When she described her conversations with this guy as fun and light, which is what she was looking for and wanted in her life at the time.

Then they finally made arrangements to meet and have their first official date. She said it felt so right and that it was meant to be. The first date was nerve racking, yet exciting as she had never done online dating before or a had a "blind" date. The rest is history as they got engaged six months later and have been married for about 8 years now. They have two kids and living in the US. This is an example that there is no formula to relationships or how you will meet the "one".

Straight talk from women

Women should state expectations in relationships so that you know where you stand. Men are straight talkers and will tell you if they don't want to be serious. Sometimes women tend to make hints instead of stating what they want rather than making men assume what they want. Women know what they want, but for some reason they will not say what they want. A guy friend, once said he had asked a girl on a date and asked her where she would like to go to have dinner. This girl could not give a straight answer and so he took her to an Italian Restaurant because he felt like eating pasta. The girl complained that she didn't like pasta, but yet she couldn't recommend a place she would like to go to.

You shouldn't act unsure when you know what you want. What turns a men on is a woman who knows what she wants. You know his expectations, but why don't you express yours. This is in the same context that a woman would say that she is on a diet and eat a salad when out on a date. The relationship won't work because you're not being yourself. As a person, you have a favourite hang-out, restaurant or maybe you like theatre, but let him know.

Fall in love, again!

Love is the strangest thing. You can break up with your partner and believe you'll never love again. You despise the opposite sex for a few months. This is until one day you meet someone who sweeps you off your feet. You forget the pain of being hurt it's only something that you'll remember, but you won't remember how you felt when you were hurt.

When you fall in love again, you only embrace the love, the excitement and everything seems great. You feel on top of the world and that you are invisible. You don't have an appetite, you just want to talk about this person and you become generous. Your friends could ask to use your most expensive bag and you would give it to them.

You might find a colleague or boss who's cold, but when they find love. They become different they are friendly, kind, loving and they glow...and laugh a lot. People who are in love have a glow on their face, the way they walk, talk and dress is different. It spells L.O.V.E.

Cougars are a new trend!

A cougar is a woman who prefers to date younger men than men her age. These men are generally way younger than the woman. It is becoming a common trend for women to date younger men. These young men make these women feel good about themselves. This kind of behaviour is usually about power because the woman has control over the younger guy. Whereas an older man has the power and authority.

The younger guy makes the woman feel younger and sexier. The younger guys say what they like about older women is that they know what they want, confident, not self-conscience and have life experience. There was a show on Tyra Banks on cougasr, but the common thing about these women is they come from relationships with older men. They were being controlled and hurt so they decided to date younger men. These women are aware that these relationships are mainly entertainment and not long-term. There was one woman who was short and petite, she said she dated only younger guys because they didn't believe her real age.

On the contrary, there are celebrities who are married to younger men for example Mariah Carey. Whitney Houston is older than Bobby Brown even though they are now divorced. Demi Moore is dating a younger guy. This trend is not completely new,  but now people are willing to talk about it.

Every day is a good day

Everyday has its challenges, a year has 365 days, a day has 24 hours. In those hours you can learn something and it might help you for the next day. Everyday is someone's birthday, someone proposes marriage, someone gives birth, someone gets a new job. Each day has its own activities and enjoy the moment as if it's your last.

People have diaries so that they can keep the different events happening in their lives, each day has its own events. Our lives revolve around events, everything passes today it's one thing and the next day another. Whether you are happy or sad, no day is wasted. Time waits for no man.

Our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses

I went on a trip with a friend overseas. It was her first time travelling abroad. We started encountering problems in our trip because she had read too much information on the net and heard stories from friends that she forgot we are not in SA in her familiar surroundings. The weakness in her strength is that she is outspoken, but she can be ignorant at the same time. The worse part of the trip, she thought she knew more than me when I had travelled abroad more than she had.

At some point, she got lost because of her stubbornness and being unable to say when she doesn't know something. It is important as a person to be willing to listen to others because they might know something that you don't know. There's always room to learn even if you are a subject expert, you will not know everything.

Feelings follow behaviour

I had a friend who was head over heels in love with this guy. When the relationship ended unexpectedly, she was distraught. She was certain this was the love of her life and this is the guy she would marry.  She didn't imagine the relationship ending. After this, all she wanted to do was avenge what happened to her by breaking other guys' hearts.

Her behaviour was based on feelings of being hurt and she ended up hurting those around her. Her behaviour was changed by her feelings. Behaviour is sometimes based on feelings, it can be lack of a certain feeling. Some people abuse drugs from lack of a certain feeling and others abuse alcohol from lack of a certain feeling. How you feel will determine how you behave.

It is better to practice a little than talk a lot.

This topic makes me think of the concept of a promise ring. I know someone who had been going out with her boyfriend for a few years and her boyfriend gave her a promise ring. This was meant to be a promise that by the end of the year, he would pay lobola and marry her. He asked her to speak to her family and organize her uncles. There was a lot of buzz going on about this promise to marry her. The end of year came and passed, the guy said nothing. Years went by, but still nothing happened. Guys who were interested in the girl considered her to be out of the market because of the promise ring she was wearing. This was an empty promise; she finally saw the light and took off the ring.

The worst thing about this situation is that the guy might have known he had no intentions of marrying her. He brought up her hopes and didn't even tell her when he couldn't deliver on his promise. I respect a man who keeps his word and is not selfish deceiving a woman of his intentions. Rather tell the girl if you cannot afford to pay lobola and marry her. She will love you for your honesty. Talk is cheap!

Four seasons of loneliness

Do you have that one friend who always tries to convince herself that she doesn't want to be in a relationship? She lies to herself claiming she cannot commit herself to a partner. She wants to be an independent woman and doesn't want to give up her freedom. The reality is that everyone has been through the phase of not having someone special in their life. It doesn't mean you don't want someone in your life; you're just having a 'draught'. The term 'draught' means there's absolutely no-one interested in you, there's no-one interesting enough for you to date. No-one is calling you and whispering sweet nothings to you.

No-one can live alone forever you go to parties, weddings, gatherings people come with their partners. Invitations to events or functions are made to you and a partner. When you're not in a relationship, there will be days where you will feel lonely. You can't always have one night stands; everyone deserves to have that special person in their lives. This person will call you, you can confide in them and you know someone has your back no matter what.

You can't spend the rest of your life being single, always being the spare wheel. Loneliness is a sad feeling and sometimes it cause people to do stupid things. Some people because of loneliness they want to break other people's relationships. Loneliness causes people to be envious of other people's belongings. It is such a beautiful feeling knowing you are loved.

Wedding cake in-the-middle-of-the-road.

This topic reminds me when I was planning my wedding. People always think of the actual wedding and forget the difficulty of planning it. Single women who are planning a wedding this is for you.

For my wedding, most of the things went smoothly despite the fact that my husband-to-be was staying in Cape Town and I was staying in Jo'burg. The wedding was going to take place in Durban. Reality is that when there's going to be a wedding something is bound to go wrong. A wedding is like any other event you have ever planned in your life. Things are not delivered on time, important people cannot be contacted, catering did not confirm the menu, no make-up artist and the list goes on.

For me, it was the person designing our rings. We had met him on a flight when we were coming back from Bangkok. He told us he was a jewelry designer and owns a shop in Pretoria. At the time, we had just gotten engaged. He had some diamond stones and a catalogue with him so he showed us his work of art. We made an appointment with him on what we wanted and got our rings designed. On my to-do list, I thought one more thing down to worry about.

Little did I know that a month before the wedding, we would still not have the rings. Less than a month before the wedding, we couldn't get hold of our designer and we didn't know how far he was with the rings. He was in Pretoria and at this time we were in Durban. The best man had to go to collect the rings in Pretoria. The rings only arrived two days before the wedding.

The question I want to pose to single women planning a wedding, would you still get married without the wedding cake? If the rings were not there on time, I would have still married my groom. Marriage is about love and not all about the beautiful decorations that are at the wedding.

Umntu ngumntu ngabantu!

Our society associates white people as having luxurious things i.e. expensive cars, mansions, traveling the world, eating good food basically living the life. It is a foreign concept to black people that a white person can struggle financially. There's always the misconception that all white people are rich. This is putting people on a pedestal and expecting them to act in a certain way. This also applies to black people who have a certain materialistic status; they are expected to be snobbish. There's a stereotype that wealthy people are snobs.

People cannot accept seeing a wealthy person whether black or white being humble. I often hear people saying if they had certain materialistic things, they would behave differently. People have a wrong perception that when you gain material things, you should become a snob.

People should learn to remain humble as they become successful. This helps when you fall, you will have people to help you up. It is easier to ask for help when you are humble and people will be willing to assist you. People will not judge you for your misfortune. It is important to have ubuntu. It is cold up there especially if you are on your own, the higher the altitude the colder it gets. Money or material things should not change you.

Material things don't matter, it is important to have ubuntu. As the saying goes "umntu ngumntu ngabantu".

If presented with the opportunity to get a message to a large group of people, what would your message be?

Our country is still suffering from a disease called post-apartheid because there is no peace, love or forgiveness. People are judged on their colour and not their skills. If you are a black person staying in the suburbs you have to justify yourself on how you can afford to stay there. You are suspected of doing something illegal that affords you to stay in the suburbs. Meanwhile seeing a poor white man in the townships, people ask themselves how did he miss out on the "gravy train'.

There is so much stereotyping and finger pointing on who's to blame on our state of affairs? There is still no reconciliation instead the TRC brought more pain and unforgiveness. Structures like churches should be preaching about reconciliation instead are robbing poor people of the little money and faith that they have. Racism is a rife disease spreading like HIV/AIDS.

As a humans, we should not judge each other based on race and gender. Adults should be like children because they don't see colour. My daughter is friends with our neighbour's daughter, she doesn't refer to her as white and she refers to her by name. They love each other and play together without distrust.We should adapt to this behaviour and see each other as people, who suffer the same regime.

It is a poor idea to lie to yourself.

I grew up in a big family and I am a middle child. I always had this fantasy of being the only child and it so happened that my aunt and uncle didn't have any children. I took the role of being "their only child" and my dreams were coming true. Whenever I had a sporting event or any outing as I was an athlete, I had two sets of parents who would give me money or anything that I needed.

Life was good; whenever I needed anything that my biological parents wouldn't give me I had backup parents who spoilt me rotten. My dreams were becoming a reality when there was a conversation of being an adopted child. This was very exciting for me because it meant enjoying the freedom of being the only child. My biological parents burst my bubble by telling me to return home and stop with my nonsense. I was not going to be adopted, I must go back and resume my role of being the middle child.

I was living a lie deep down in my heart; I knew I belonged in my big family. I have become this Zodwa because of what my parents taught me about sharing. My daughter even says sharing is caring. I am a product of a big family that is filled with love and laughter. I would have been a selfish child if I had stayed with my aunt and uncle; I believed the world owed me. It is a poor idea to lie to yourself.

Love is stronger than pride.

There are three magical words that people need to use all the time: sorry, please and thank you. If people used these words, the world would become a better place. Friendships, relationships, families and the workplace are bitter because of pride. People lose opportunities because pride doesn't allow them to apologise to others.

The xenophobic attacks on our African brothers and sisters were based on fear. Our African brothers and sisters do jobs that the locals are not willing to do. This is selling chips, sweets, cigarettes on street corners. This job is demeaning to them yet they loot their shops saying they are taking their jobs. Instead we could be loving towards them, some of their countries assisted South Africa during the apartheid. Our fathers, brothers, mothers and sisters ran in exile to their countries. This is an opportunity to learn about other African cultures and for Africa to unite.

Long-term friendships end with people not being able to forgive each other or apologise for what they have done. Relationships are maintained through communication and people putting their pride aside and apologising when necessary. Families are destroyed because elders are unable to apologise thinking they are always right and the youngsters are always wrong.

Some people are living a lie, always acting as if they are fine all the time. People, who can't ask when they are in need, people who can't speak to their neighbours about their troubles and people who can't say thank you. People are all alone because of pride. A command from the Bible is to love your neighbour as you love yourself.

The sound of one hand clapping.

There is a Zulu saying izandla ziyagezana. The direct translation is hands wash each other, but what this really means is that people help each other to get ahead. People who have achieved were helped by someone somewhere along the way. No-one becomes successful without someone's help.

In an organisation, the CEO reports to the Board of Directors, there are managers to assist the CEO. There are also cleaners who assist in ensuring the organisation looks good. Without the cleaners the floors are dirty, no-one to clean the toilets, vacuum the floors, make coffee and clean the cups. These things might seem trivial, but these people play a vital role. A CEO cannot build an organisation on his own; he needs the managers and the people below the managers to do the work he cannot do. This includes cleaners too.

When the nanny doesn't come for the day, I have to do everything in the house including her chores. I am unable to go to work or do my varsity assignments. She takes my duties at home ensuring the house is clean and taking care of my daughter. This assistance allows mothers to also climb the corporate ladder knowing their child/ren have nurturers. This is a two-way street, they need the money and you need their services.

Everyone is a VIP. Me, myself and I doesn't work because no man is an island. You make it in life because someone helped you to get there. There's no sound from one hand clapping, a sound comes when both hands are clapped.

Not all who wander are lost

I worked at SAA for many years and I was passionate about my job. I travelled the world and it was all good. After many years of doing the same thing, I got tired and it became monotonous. It started to feel like a specialized job. I started becoming frustrated working long hours and sacrificing holidays, missing out on family gatherings, parties, weddings and funerals. I didn't have a social life and now it was time for change. I realised that there was no growth for me at all. SAA  was no longer the same, I felt so lost and the passion was gone. I needed a challenge in my life.

Building strategic relationships with clients over the years helped me to be where I am today. While I thought I was lost and frustrated, I met Professor Dakora, who was a dean at CPUT's Marketing department. He encouraged me to come back to study. Complaining about a bad situation you are in doesn't help. It helps to do something about it. I came back to study and now I'm currently doing BTech in Public Relations.

Not all who wander are lost, everything happens for a reason and in good timing. I was at SAA for a reason and my time there was up. So another opportunity presented itself, opportunities are not lost you miss it and someone else gets it.

Who said black man can't skii?

Who said that a black man can't skii? I went to Switzerland, Wengen on a skii holiday. We were a group of 200 people and the holiday was for two weeks. I was very excited, but worried at the same time as it was my first time on a skii holiday. My excitement started when I went shopping to buy my skii outfit.

I remember when I was on board, the couple sitting next to me asking whether it was my first time or not. They gave me assurance that I was going to enjoy myself as they go skii-ing every year. I was so excited I told everyone that was close to me about this trip.

When we arrived in Switzerland, a bus came to fetch us from the airport to Wengen. When we arrived there, the whole town was covered in snow. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my entire life. The next day, we were divided into groups and each group had its own instructor. The first day was very difficult especially for black people, we were falling all over the place. After many falls, we got better as they say practice makes perfect. My greatest skii moment was when I mastered how to stop myself.

I enjoyed myself so much, I left like I was in a beautiful dream. If you ask me to do it, I would do it all over again. Trying something new can be absolutely fun, so who says a black man can't skii?

Zodwa in a nutshell

This task of defining who I am has required me to ask my family and friends to tell me who they think I am. It is difficult for me to say who I am because of how I view myself. This view is in a way that no-one else understands. As a person I see my imperfections, where I am and where I want to be and don't see what I have done.

On a lighter note, I am a fun loving person and my ideal kind of fun is mainly travelling, shopping, spending time with family and friends cooking a good meal. I love shopping for bags, shoes and accessories, shoes are my biggest obsession. Shoes tell a story about who you are, these are your mode of transport so they are extremely important. I have love for fashion and I love people who look good and smell good. Image is everything and people will judge you based on how you look like.

I have an Image Consultancy where I help people dress up and find clothes that look good on their bodies. I love seeing the look on their faces when they see the transformation. When you look good on the outside it helps you to feel good on the inside. I have seen many of my clients blossoming and moving from needing a fashion police to becoming fashionistas.Generally, I have passion for seeing people view themselves differently and boosting their egos. Tell me one person who doesn't want to be told they are beautiful or they look gorgeous? People like being given a compliment so my job is to ensure they get it.

I think I was a psychologist in my past life, I find it easy to relate to people from different backgrounds. People have told me how they feel comfortable telling me their problems and after talking to me that their problems will be solved. This comes from being able to listen to people and putting myself in their shoes. I think of myself as someone who is selfless and believe that everyone is a VIP. I believe I have my own CSI programme where I assist people with food, money or emotional support to those in need.

This is who I am in a nutshell and I will use blogging to unpack stories untold.

Good food, good wine, good conversation!

I really don't see the point of eating unhealthy food. It gives you no pleasure, no nutrients for your body and lastly it makes you fat. I love eating healthy food, having good wine and a good conversation with friends and family.

Eating proper and healthy food should be part of one's family and social life. It is so fulfilling to host friends and family and prepare good food, ensure I have the best wines to offer. It brings me such joy to see the excitement in my guests faces as they devour the meal and quench their thirst on good wine. My guests always love to be served dessert. I prefer this to be as light as possible, the intention is not to get them to sleep afterwards.
 
To have these gatherings with friends and family around the table, it will always creates memories of intimacy and warmth that lasts throughout one's life. Fast foods and take-aways are not cool, nothing beats home-made food especially when it's made with love.

How do you step from the top of a 100-foot pole?

One of my biggest life lessons is to take one step at a time. It doesn't matter what situation I am faced with. I left my job and came back to study. The first year was challenging after not studying for so many years, however I managed to pass all the subjects.

On the second year, I was faced with a difficult situation where I got sick. I was away from varsity for more than a month. I couldn't attend lectures, write tests or submit assignments so I was behind with varsity work. When I came back I owed each lecturer either an assignment, test or both. I was doing eight (8) subjects. I had two A4 pages full of things to do. I felt like giving up and I didn't know where to start. It was the first time in my life, where I became depressed.

I had support from a very good friend of mine. She gave me hope, when I was in a dark place. I remember when she asked me, 'how do you eat an elephant?' I didn't understand what she was getting to and her answer was one bite at a time. I drew up a list of all the tests and assignments outstanding and as I submitted or wrote the tests I would cross them off my list. When the list had too many things crossed out, she told me to write a new list. Eventually I submitted all the assignments and wrote all the tests. I passed all eight subjects in that year.

In life when there are many things that need your attention, the best way to deal with these situations is to do one thing at a time. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

When you're her age, (over 80) what will matter to you most?

What will matter to me the most, would be to be happy. At this age, I would have done it all business, career, education, raised my  children and travelled the world. I would have achieve all my goals. All the mistakes I have made, wouldn't matter to me anymore. I would share my mistakes with younger people and not be embarrassed. I would pass on life skills to youngsters that you cannot learn by going to university. The mistakes I would have made, would have made me a stronger person. I want to be a happy granny or great grandmother.

At that age (over 80), I want my life to end on a happy note. I would have experienced everything in life sadness, joy, laughter, depression, happiness and all the different feelings that one can have. Fast cars, mansions and material things wouldn't amuse me, it would only be happiness. I want to leave a legacy for all the things I have accomplished. I would look forward to spending the rest of my life with God.

Happiness would be the best way for my life to end. I would not regret my life experiences. I would not be scared of dying. Younger people are generally scared of dying, they feel that they have not yet accomplished their achievements. Funerals of young people are often sad.

We are what we do.

It doesn't help to be content in something that doesn't work. There are people who stay at jobs even when they see that there is no progress. You can't spend more than ten years in the same organisation and still be in the same position. You see other people leaving the organisation and getting better posts, why not do something that will improve your career?

Relationships are also a stumbling block for some people where they lose themselves, their ambitions and self-identity. Some people live for their partner's dream and forget their own. This is not healthy for any relationship. As people we are born individuals, have individual thoughts, dreams and aspirations. Even when we enter into relationships, we should still remain individuals. There's no such thing as I can't live without him/her before you knew your partner, you were your own person.

As a person, you need to be a risk taker and not dwell on problems, find the solution. Be a goal getter and set goals for yourself that you need to accomplish. Life is not about how intelligent you are, but it is about your confidence. How confident are you that you will achieve your goals? Whatever decision you make will determine where you will be in life.

What people need to understand is that as you live life, you are building your brand. Whether it will have a positive or negative image. As a person you choose where you want to be. Key pointers will be to surround yourself with friends that are positive about life. It will be to choose a positive partner that will support your dream regardless of any circumstances.

Time or Money?

Timing is everything in life. It determines whether you have money or not. One minute early or late can determine whether you get something or not. When I was living in Durban before moving to Jo'burg I had applied to work at South African Airways (SAA). I did not get the job, I wasn't even called for an interview. A couple of  years later, I moved to Jo'burg and at the time I was not looking for a job at SAA.

I had submitted my cv to an employment agency and had applied for a tourism related job. I got the job, but they had not confirmed my starting date. I had even gotten my passport because the job required me to travel throughout the African continent. One day I phoned the agency, they thought I was no longer working at the other job and then they told me about a temp job at SAA. A lady was going on maternity leave and SAA needed someone for six months.

I got lost on my way to the interview and I got there late for the temp position. But it so happened that the agency had gotten ten employees for SAA for permanent job for a different position. I asked the lady to contact SAA to find out if everyone pitched up for the job. They told the agency that only nine people arrived and one more person was needed. An interview was done and I was hired on the spot. If I had gotten to my initial interview on time, I would have gotten the temp job and not gotten a permanent position.

We are afraid of the wrong things.

The one thing I'm afraid of is being raped. I could give a robber anything that they requested a cellphone, car, money, watch, anything, but just not get raped in the process. A few years ago, someone broke into my house and they started taking things from the guest room and throwing them outside. We did not know whether the robbers had weapons on them or not. We pressed the panic button, the alarm went on and the robbers fled the scene.

My concern was not the things that the robbers will take because it is things that can be replaced. My fear was being raped because that can't be given back to me. Rape is traumatic for its victims and some victims are silent sufferers. There are many rape cases that are not reported, where victims feel it is their fault. I know of at least two cases where girls were raped and contracted HIV/AIDS. Both these girls could not live with what happened to them and have passed on.

Society respects homes that are headed by men and households headed by women are not seen to have order and authority. Communities are also affected by drugs, youngsters under the influence of narcotics end up doing criminal activities. This means breaking into people's homes, cars or sometimes even rape just to get their next fix. There are few people that are rape victims who are vocal about what happened to them. Alison Botha was raped, stabbed and left half-dead in 1996. Not many woman are able to speak about their pain and heal by becoming an inspiration.

Familiarity breeds contempt

It often happens when friends have known each other for a long time that they start taking each other for granted. A person knows you so well that they know what you are thinking and say something before you say it. You become like an open book...this person knows your dreams, the kind of man you like, knows your family and family issues. Old friends tend to be judgemental because they know all your ups and downs.

In friendships where there are more than two people, three is a crowd. There is a lot of gossip and backstabbing. The person thinks you are twins because they know you so well. I wouldn't keep a friend who takes me for granted and has lack of respect for my space. For a friendship to be healthy, there has to be boundaries.

A friend that speaks to me in the same way I speak to myself is destructive. When I'm down, a friend should help to pick me up. A friend must be able to help me without asking for help.

Fish falling from the sky.

Growing up in a black community is challenging. Parents do not communicate to their children and tell them the reality of life. Children grow up with false knowledge of what life is. When a mother falls pregnant, she does not tell you as her child about her pregnancy. You are told that babies come from aeroplanes or bought from Edgars. As a child you see your mother getting 'fatter' and her tummy growing bigger, but no-one communicates with you what is going on. You see your mother eating fruit and all of a sudden she has special needs.

In our communities, our mothers didn't have baby showers so there no way of knowing that a baby was on the way. It was also bad luck to buy baby clothes before the baby was born. It was a secret when a woman was pregnant and she could not tell other people how far she was with her pregnancy. No-one told you when your mother went to hospital to give birth, you just saw her coming home with a baby. When the baby arrives your lives change forever. No-one is allowed to see the baby for at least a month. When visitors came they took their hands and put them under their armpits and feet, then put their hands on the baby's nose. This is said to be done to protect the child from evil spirits. Children are said to sense evil spirits easily.

The baby is not allowed outside the house until she is three months old. All these were superstitions to protect the baby. Now that I'm grown I realise it's all a big, fat lie. It always seemed so bizarre and it was like fish falling from the sky.

What is the colour of the wind?

The wind plays an important role in our lives and generally people are irritated by it. A lot of wind can be destructive, there are many instances where it has destroyed cities and towns. There have been hurricanes and whirlwinds that have cost people their lives and all their belongings in different parts of the world. You can't see the wind or touch it, but you can feel its presence.

The advantages of wind come in places like Durban where it is hot. When the weather is humid, wind helps people to cool down. This is when people enjoy the wind the most when there is a breeze. The wind helps to dry clothes quickly, without it your laundry will take the whole day to dry. You can't see as it goes through your clothes and making them dry.

The wind has many colours, the wind can be blue like the clouds and the sea. The wind is brown when it lifts the dust off the ground. The wind is black when there is a hurricane. When there is a fire, the wind makes it turn red and spread. The wind is grey when it rains and it pushes the storm. The wind changes depending on the weather.

The wind is colourless, but it is through its effects that we are able to see the colour.

Which activities make you lose track of time?

I have one activity that mainly makes me lose track of time. I love chatting with friends and family. Many people have told me that they feel comfortable talking and sharing their challenges with me. I think I was a psychologist in my past life. Now that I have done Public Relations, I am considering being a personal coach and complimenting that with my Image Consultancy.

The airtime on my contract phone does not last the whole month. I spend a lot of time talking to my friend, our conversations at the least are 15 minutes long and can be up to an hour on the phone. My friend and I both agree that texting and using social networks is not the same as talking. I enjoy talking because afterwards I feel relieved and I find it therapeutic.

Talking makes me feel free, I laugh about silly things I have done. I talk about my dreams, some dreams seem unrealistic and some are stupid. I share that with friends and have realised that I'm not the only one.Talking is about sharing information and information is power. People have big problems because they don't talk and some people prefer to suffer in silence. I believe you will never be hungry if you talk, you never know who can help you.

People die without talking and always acting as if they're fine when they are not. Some commit suicide leaving unanswered questions because they did not communicate. Relationships at times don't work because there is no communication, partners have expectations but they do not express them. The mouth is a powerful tool and talking is a powerful skill.

If not now, then when?

I was inspired by a friend of mine, who is also married, she is currently busy with her proposal for a PhD. She has been married for many years and has two children. My friend is still able to focus on her career despite the fact that she is a family woman. Many women get married and have children after that their life goals fall away.

Nowadays, women become comfortable in relationships/marriages and forget their dreams. Men always go after what they want. There are people who stay with their boyfriends and become common law wives. What goes through my mind is that has that always been that woman's hopes for her future to live her boyfriend's dream? When a man gets an opportunity to upgrade himself, he doesn't think twice about it. For women, the questions is always what will happen to our relationship?

I feel women sacrifice so much of their lives for boyfriends/husbands. The days are over when women have children, cook and stay in the house. It is time now that women empower themselves.If you don't live your dream now, then when?

If I were a boss?

My company will have a male dominated workplace. This will be from top management right up to the cleaners, Personal Assistant and receiptionist. I find that men are very competitive therefore results driven. Men work very hard because they have families to support and a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. Men work towards having a promotion rather than gift vouchers or a day at the spa, which females would accept as acknowledgement for their hard work. Men listen to women because they don't like to argue especially if it's their boss.

On the other hand, woman generally have an attitude towards other women especially if it's their boss. With women you have to deal with premenstrual stress (pms) and getting pregnant. This means that they are away from work for four months with their skills, experience and training they received. Women also suffer from phd (pull her down) syndrome. Women have to take time off to take care of their children because the nanny didn't come to work or the child is sick. On the contrary, employing men their wives or girlfriends are taking care of the children.

I have an Image Consultancy and my clients are all men. The beauty of male clients is that they pay on time and I don't have to run after them regarding a payment. At first, I also had female clients, but it was also such an issue because they wanted to bargain prices and after that didn't pay on time.

The key to keeping my company running successfully will be status reports. There will always be one-on-one meetings. These will require the employee to say what they have done or how far they are with their tasks. My employees will always know their job descriptions and what is expected from them. I would also ensure as an employer that I equip my employees with the necessary tools needed for them to do their jobs effectively and efficiently. One of the rules of the company is that everyone has individual and group responsibility of a campaign/project whether it succeeds or fails.

Do you think crying is a sign of weakness?

Crying is when a person lets out their deepest emotions that are bottled up. This is another way of releasing feelings that have been built up and are troubling a person. It feels good to cry and afterwards you feel better, calm and at peace. Crying is also a healing process especially when you have no words to express how you feel. There are instances where people cry out of anger and frustration.

My friend lost her mother last year November. They had a close relationship and they were like best friends. As she grew up her mom became her confidant, mentor and a friend. Her mother assisted her emotionally, taking care of her children when she was busy with work. Her work required her to travel all over the country. Overall her mother was a pillar of strength.

She had built a house for her parents and she only lived in it for a year. A month later, her father passed away. He was in pain as her parents had been married for over 40 years. This was a terrible time for my friend and her siblings.

In this scenario, would you say that my friend is crying because she is weakness? Or is she a child crying for the parents she will never see again? My friend is crying because she has lost a sympathetic ear. No-one can replace her mother. My friend is crying because she will never celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day buying her parents flowers, cards or anything that showed she loved them.

My friend is crying because she is asking God why this had to happen to her. My friend is crying because she is the eldest child, now she has to be a mother and a father to her siblings. My friend is crying because she is letting out her feelings and knows from this situation, she has to be a stronger person.

Two people come out of a building and into a story.

Yesterday, I was bored at home and decided to go to Capellos, a small club in Cape Town. When I got there, I still felt bored and I didn't know if I should stay or go home. I met someone who didn't have company also anticipating the same thing. She was in a dilemma though. She said " Hi" and I responded saying "Hi". At first it was a bit awkward, but there was something that drew us closer to talk. As I was walking away deciding that it would be better to be home watching t.v. Then she stopped me and asked which way I was going, she needed a lift because it was too windy outside.

We ended up talking for four hours and got to know each other better. We found out we were from the same town, Durban and we both went to what was formerly known as Natal Technikon, but we had never met there. I didn't even feel that it was the early hours of the morning. I gave her a lift to her place and we decided to meet for lunch the following day.

We met for lunch at Sinn's Restaurant, it seemed like we had a similar taste in food. It was surprising that we come from different backgrounds, but we related to each other on our life experiences. We became good friends and even thought of starting our own company together. Two people come out of a building and into a story.

Designer PR

Public Relations is a powerful tool for any organisation to be successful. PR Practitioners have to be creative, innovative and original. If you think about it, this is a job of a designer. In an organisation like Woolworths, new products or services go through the PR department so that they can strategise on how to creatively get them into the market. Even the graphic designers get their approval from this department to ensure that the message that Woolworths sends out has synergy.

Successful organisations invest their time and money in public relations. Organisations such as RedBull, Starbucks and Zara understand the importance of customer satisfaction. When customers are satisfied with your product or service, they are loyal to your brand even when the pawpaw hits the fan. We have seen a few times Pick 'n Pay dealing with a crisis including Woolworths, but because they have built a solid relationship with their customers they are able to recover.

Before PR practitioners were not taken seriously, now organisations are realising that they cannot survive without them.

How are you pursuing your dreams?

After working for so many years at SAA, I never thought I will leave my job. I was very passionate about what I was doing. I started disliking my job because there was no growth. Some my colleagues had been with the company for 30 years, but had no plans to move. I told myself I did not want to be a fossil in the organisation.

There was always a small voice in my head that said 'you are still not done with your school'. It is easier to keep busy than to face your fears. When we first met, I was assisting a very difficult passenger that my colleagues did not want to help. As the passionate employee that I was, I helped someone it so happens that he was the one to encourage to take on this journey. At the time, Professor Dakora was a dean at CPUT. He would encourage me that I need to study further and empower myself as woman.

All his aspirations for me to study beyond a diploma seemed like such a fantasy. I thought this man must be joking and not everyone is meant to study to become a professor. I have now obtained my National Diploma and currently studying BTech and pursuing my dreams. I am following that small voice in my head and I want to become a communication specialist.

I AM

I am a young woman whose pursuing her dreams. I grew up as a middle child unlike the general perception of them, I was independent at a very young age. I left home in Durban for Jo'burg and I never looked back. I went there to find a job and to find better opportunities. Later I found myself living in the Mother City.

I worked for the South African Airways and this gave me opportunities to travel and see the beauties of this world.  I have seen and learnt different cultures, my love for fashion came from these adventurous trips. This also made me realise that standard of living in South Africa is expensive. I have travelled to Brazil and seen the most beautiful hand-made shoes. I went to India, but honestly what we see on the television is not the true reflection of how they live. Most people in India live in poverty.  I also loved China and bargaining with them to buy anything and everything. This is when I started my image consultancy, the love to dress people up. I have built a small clientele.

I am still in pursuit of my dreams and currently studying BTech in Public Relations. I am loving every moment of it. My motto in life is 'do you want to hang out with the boss or do you want to be the boss'.

Friendships

Allow me to share the tips I have learned through out my years regarding friendships. Nurture your friendships, they matter more than you can possibly imagine. It is friends who see you through if you have them you can cope with almost anything. Friendships need maintenance, this means giving time and thought to our friends. Many of us tend to be absorbed by our jobs and families and neglect good friendships. It is quite a challenge keeping a balance. We must be able to renew old friendships and make new ones.

I lost a friend ten years ago because of lack of communication. It is still haunting me even today that I could not attend her funeral. It was a traumatising experience for me. Keeping in touch is the only way. We all know a friend who offers a helping hand when you are in need. A friend who lifts up a phone to call you when you have lost your job, a friend who will visit you when you are ill. A friend who will celebrate your successes with you.

Our friends know us better than our families because we spend most of our time with them. If a friend needs help never wait for her to ask, just offer your assistance. We are fortunate that in this day and age there's technology. We can find various ways to communicate with our friends. There's facebook, twitter, skype, BBM, mxit, sms, mms you name it, so there's no excuse not to communicate. Keep in touch, this is the only way to keep friendships alive.