If presented with the opportunity to get a message to a large group of people, what would your message be?

Our country is still suffering from a disease called post-apartheid because there is no peace, love or forgiveness. People are judged on their colour and not their skills. If you are a black person staying in the suburbs you have to justify yourself on how you can afford to stay there. You are suspected of doing something illegal that affords you to stay in the suburbs. Meanwhile seeing a poor white man in the townships, people ask themselves how did he miss out on the "gravy train'.

There is so much stereotyping and finger pointing on who's to blame on our state of affairs? There is still no reconciliation instead the TRC brought more pain and unforgiveness. Structures like churches should be preaching about reconciliation instead are robbing poor people of the little money and faith that they have. Racism is a rife disease spreading like HIV/AIDS.

As a humans, we should not judge each other based on race and gender. Adults should be like children because they don't see colour. My daughter is friends with our neighbour's daughter, she doesn't refer to her as white and she refers to her by name. They love each other and play together without distrust.We should adapt to this behaviour and see each other as people, who suffer the same regime.

It is a poor idea to lie to yourself.

I grew up in a big family and I am a middle child. I always had this fantasy of being the only child and it so happened that my aunt and uncle didn't have any children. I took the role of being "their only child" and my dreams were coming true. Whenever I had a sporting event or any outing as I was an athlete, I had two sets of parents who would give me money or anything that I needed.

Life was good; whenever I needed anything that my biological parents wouldn't give me I had backup parents who spoilt me rotten. My dreams were becoming a reality when there was a conversation of being an adopted child. This was very exciting for me because it meant enjoying the freedom of being the only child. My biological parents burst my bubble by telling me to return home and stop with my nonsense. I was not going to be adopted, I must go back and resume my role of being the middle child.

I was living a lie deep down in my heart; I knew I belonged in my big family. I have become this Zodwa because of what my parents taught me about sharing. My daughter even says sharing is caring. I am a product of a big family that is filled with love and laughter. I would have been a selfish child if I had stayed with my aunt and uncle; I believed the world owed me. It is a poor idea to lie to yourself.

Love is stronger than pride.

There are three magical words that people need to use all the time: sorry, please and thank you. If people used these words, the world would become a better place. Friendships, relationships, families and the workplace are bitter because of pride. People lose opportunities because pride doesn't allow them to apologise to others.

The xenophobic attacks on our African brothers and sisters were based on fear. Our African brothers and sisters do jobs that the locals are not willing to do. This is selling chips, sweets, cigarettes on street corners. This job is demeaning to them yet they loot their shops saying they are taking their jobs. Instead we could be loving towards them, some of their countries assisted South Africa during the apartheid. Our fathers, brothers, mothers and sisters ran in exile to their countries. This is an opportunity to learn about other African cultures and for Africa to unite.

Long-term friendships end with people not being able to forgive each other or apologise for what they have done. Relationships are maintained through communication and people putting their pride aside and apologising when necessary. Families are destroyed because elders are unable to apologise thinking they are always right and the youngsters are always wrong.

Some people are living a lie, always acting as if they are fine all the time. People, who can't ask when they are in need, people who can't speak to their neighbours about their troubles and people who can't say thank you. People are all alone because of pride. A command from the Bible is to love your neighbour as you love yourself.

The sound of one hand clapping.

There is a Zulu saying izandla ziyagezana. The direct translation is hands wash each other, but what this really means is that people help each other to get ahead. People who have achieved were helped by someone somewhere along the way. No-one becomes successful without someone's help.

In an organisation, the CEO reports to the Board of Directors, there are managers to assist the CEO. There are also cleaners who assist in ensuring the organisation looks good. Without the cleaners the floors are dirty, no-one to clean the toilets, vacuum the floors, make coffee and clean the cups. These things might seem trivial, but these people play a vital role. A CEO cannot build an organisation on his own; he needs the managers and the people below the managers to do the work he cannot do. This includes cleaners too.

When the nanny doesn't come for the day, I have to do everything in the house including her chores. I am unable to go to work or do my varsity assignments. She takes my duties at home ensuring the house is clean and taking care of my daughter. This assistance allows mothers to also climb the corporate ladder knowing their child/ren have nurturers. This is a two-way street, they need the money and you need their services.

Everyone is a VIP. Me, myself and I doesn't work because no man is an island. You make it in life because someone helped you to get there. There's no sound from one hand clapping, a sound comes when both hands are clapped.

Not all who wander are lost

I worked at SAA for many years and I was passionate about my job. I travelled the world and it was all good. After many years of doing the same thing, I got tired and it became monotonous. It started to feel like a specialized job. I started becoming frustrated working long hours and sacrificing holidays, missing out on family gatherings, parties, weddings and funerals. I didn't have a social life and now it was time for change. I realised that there was no growth for me at all. SAA  was no longer the same, I felt so lost and the passion was gone. I needed a challenge in my life.

Building strategic relationships with clients over the years helped me to be where I am today. While I thought I was lost and frustrated, I met Professor Dakora, who was a dean at CPUT's Marketing department. He encouraged me to come back to study. Complaining about a bad situation you are in doesn't help. It helps to do something about it. I came back to study and now I'm currently doing BTech in Public Relations.

Not all who wander are lost, everything happens for a reason and in good timing. I was at SAA for a reason and my time there was up. So another opportunity presented itself, opportunities are not lost you miss it and someone else gets it.

Who said black man can't skii?

Who said that a black man can't skii? I went to Switzerland, Wengen on a skii holiday. We were a group of 200 people and the holiday was for two weeks. I was very excited, but worried at the same time as it was my first time on a skii holiday. My excitement started when I went shopping to buy my skii outfit.

I remember when I was on board, the couple sitting next to me asking whether it was my first time or not. They gave me assurance that I was going to enjoy myself as they go skii-ing every year. I was so excited I told everyone that was close to me about this trip.

When we arrived in Switzerland, a bus came to fetch us from the airport to Wengen. When we arrived there, the whole town was covered in snow. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my entire life. The next day, we were divided into groups and each group had its own instructor. The first day was very difficult especially for black people, we were falling all over the place. After many falls, we got better as they say practice makes perfect. My greatest skii moment was when I mastered how to stop myself.

I enjoyed myself so much, I left like I was in a beautiful dream. If you ask me to do it, I would do it all over again. Trying something new can be absolutely fun, so who says a black man can't skii?

Zodwa in a nutshell

This task of defining who I am has required me to ask my family and friends to tell me who they think I am. It is difficult for me to say who I am because of how I view myself. This view is in a way that no-one else understands. As a person I see my imperfections, where I am and where I want to be and don't see what I have done.

On a lighter note, I am a fun loving person and my ideal kind of fun is mainly travelling, shopping, spending time with family and friends cooking a good meal. I love shopping for bags, shoes and accessories, shoes are my biggest obsession. Shoes tell a story about who you are, these are your mode of transport so they are extremely important. I have love for fashion and I love people who look good and smell good. Image is everything and people will judge you based on how you look like.

I have an Image Consultancy where I help people dress up and find clothes that look good on their bodies. I love seeing the look on their faces when they see the transformation. When you look good on the outside it helps you to feel good on the inside. I have seen many of my clients blossoming and moving from needing a fashion police to becoming fashionistas.Generally, I have passion for seeing people view themselves differently and boosting their egos. Tell me one person who doesn't want to be told they are beautiful or they look gorgeous? People like being given a compliment so my job is to ensure they get it.

I think I was a psychologist in my past life, I find it easy to relate to people from different backgrounds. People have told me how they feel comfortable telling me their problems and after talking to me that their problems will be solved. This comes from being able to listen to people and putting myself in their shoes. I think of myself as someone who is selfless and believe that everyone is a VIP. I believe I have my own CSI programme where I assist people with food, money or emotional support to those in need.

This is who I am in a nutshell and I will use blogging to unpack stories untold.

Good food, good wine, good conversation!

I really don't see the point of eating unhealthy food. It gives you no pleasure, no nutrients for your body and lastly it makes you fat. I love eating healthy food, having good wine and a good conversation with friends and family.

Eating proper and healthy food should be part of one's family and social life. It is so fulfilling to host friends and family and prepare good food, ensure I have the best wines to offer. It brings me such joy to see the excitement in my guests faces as they devour the meal and quench their thirst on good wine. My guests always love to be served dessert. I prefer this to be as light as possible, the intention is not to get them to sleep afterwards.
 
To have these gatherings with friends and family around the table, it will always creates memories of intimacy and warmth that lasts throughout one's life. Fast foods and take-aways are not cool, nothing beats home-made food especially when it's made with love.

How do you step from the top of a 100-foot pole?

One of my biggest life lessons is to take one step at a time. It doesn't matter what situation I am faced with. I left my job and came back to study. The first year was challenging after not studying for so many years, however I managed to pass all the subjects.

On the second year, I was faced with a difficult situation where I got sick. I was away from varsity for more than a month. I couldn't attend lectures, write tests or submit assignments so I was behind with varsity work. When I came back I owed each lecturer either an assignment, test or both. I was doing eight (8) subjects. I had two A4 pages full of things to do. I felt like giving up and I didn't know where to start. It was the first time in my life, where I became depressed.

I had support from a very good friend of mine. She gave me hope, when I was in a dark place. I remember when she asked me, 'how do you eat an elephant?' I didn't understand what she was getting to and her answer was one bite at a time. I drew up a list of all the tests and assignments outstanding and as I submitted or wrote the tests I would cross them off my list. When the list had too many things crossed out, she told me to write a new list. Eventually I submitted all the assignments and wrote all the tests. I passed all eight subjects in that year.

In life when there are many things that need your attention, the best way to deal with these situations is to do one thing at a time. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

When you're her age, (over 80) what will matter to you most?

What will matter to me the most, would be to be happy. At this age, I would have done it all business, career, education, raised my  children and travelled the world. I would have achieve all my goals. All the mistakes I have made, wouldn't matter to me anymore. I would share my mistakes with younger people and not be embarrassed. I would pass on life skills to youngsters that you cannot learn by going to university. The mistakes I would have made, would have made me a stronger person. I want to be a happy granny or great grandmother.

At that age (over 80), I want my life to end on a happy note. I would have experienced everything in life sadness, joy, laughter, depression, happiness and all the different feelings that one can have. Fast cars, mansions and material things wouldn't amuse me, it would only be happiness. I want to leave a legacy for all the things I have accomplished. I would look forward to spending the rest of my life with God.

Happiness would be the best way for my life to end. I would not regret my life experiences. I would not be scared of dying. Younger people are generally scared of dying, they feel that they have not yet accomplished their achievements. Funerals of young people are often sad.

We are what we do.

It doesn't help to be content in something that doesn't work. There are people who stay at jobs even when they see that there is no progress. You can't spend more than ten years in the same organisation and still be in the same position. You see other people leaving the organisation and getting better posts, why not do something that will improve your career?

Relationships are also a stumbling block for some people where they lose themselves, their ambitions and self-identity. Some people live for their partner's dream and forget their own. This is not healthy for any relationship. As people we are born individuals, have individual thoughts, dreams and aspirations. Even when we enter into relationships, we should still remain individuals. There's no such thing as I can't live without him/her before you knew your partner, you were your own person.

As a person, you need to be a risk taker and not dwell on problems, find the solution. Be a goal getter and set goals for yourself that you need to accomplish. Life is not about how intelligent you are, but it is about your confidence. How confident are you that you will achieve your goals? Whatever decision you make will determine where you will be in life.

What people need to understand is that as you live life, you are building your brand. Whether it will have a positive or negative image. As a person you choose where you want to be. Key pointers will be to surround yourself with friends that are positive about life. It will be to choose a positive partner that will support your dream regardless of any circumstances.

Time or Money?

Timing is everything in life. It determines whether you have money or not. One minute early or late can determine whether you get something or not. When I was living in Durban before moving to Jo'burg I had applied to work at South African Airways (SAA). I did not get the job, I wasn't even called for an interview. A couple of  years later, I moved to Jo'burg and at the time I was not looking for a job at SAA.

I had submitted my cv to an employment agency and had applied for a tourism related job. I got the job, but they had not confirmed my starting date. I had even gotten my passport because the job required me to travel throughout the African continent. One day I phoned the agency, they thought I was no longer working at the other job and then they told me about a temp job at SAA. A lady was going on maternity leave and SAA needed someone for six months.

I got lost on my way to the interview and I got there late for the temp position. But it so happened that the agency had gotten ten employees for SAA for permanent job for a different position. I asked the lady to contact SAA to find out if everyone pitched up for the job. They told the agency that only nine people arrived and one more person was needed. An interview was done and I was hired on the spot. If I had gotten to my initial interview on time, I would have gotten the temp job and not gotten a permanent position.

We are afraid of the wrong things.

The one thing I'm afraid of is being raped. I could give a robber anything that they requested a cellphone, car, money, watch, anything, but just not get raped in the process. A few years ago, someone broke into my house and they started taking things from the guest room and throwing them outside. We did not know whether the robbers had weapons on them or not. We pressed the panic button, the alarm went on and the robbers fled the scene.

My concern was not the things that the robbers will take because it is things that can be replaced. My fear was being raped because that can't be given back to me. Rape is traumatic for its victims and some victims are silent sufferers. There are many rape cases that are not reported, where victims feel it is their fault. I know of at least two cases where girls were raped and contracted HIV/AIDS. Both these girls could not live with what happened to them and have passed on.

Society respects homes that are headed by men and households headed by women are not seen to have order and authority. Communities are also affected by drugs, youngsters under the influence of narcotics end up doing criminal activities. This means breaking into people's homes, cars or sometimes even rape just to get their next fix. There are few people that are rape victims who are vocal about what happened to them. Alison Botha was raped, stabbed and left half-dead in 1996. Not many woman are able to speak about their pain and heal by becoming an inspiration.